I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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