I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
