this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
