Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
