I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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