you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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