I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
