so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
babies were throwing up all over the place
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
