haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
