I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
