your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
