he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
