party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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