when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
