His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
