I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
