dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
