My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize