i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
