doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
