Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
