So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
