just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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