Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
