Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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