It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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