I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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