So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
