She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
