dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
