its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
