Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
BRING THE BAGELS
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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