Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
