so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
