Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
