I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
