I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
