She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
