Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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