YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize