im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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