Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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