Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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