i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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