We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
