I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
