some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
