my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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