So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
