Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i just had sex bonerless
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I want to be your penis for a week.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
