Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
