i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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