didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
