home. puking in laundry basket.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
