Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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