"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Don't tell me you're on acid again
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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