I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
