He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
