Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
where are my eyebrows?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
