i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
