I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
