I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Sext me about skeletons
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
