And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
