Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
