i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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