I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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