Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
