not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
