just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
