I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
